Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Strange things

Knowing that you are about to die is the strangest thing to live through. All situations and conversations take on completely different meanings.

Like the other day the administrator at daystay phoned me to book two appointments with my Haematologist. One for the 14th, one for the 26th. She said she wasn't sure if I would need the second one, but we'd book it anyway as the appointments are hard to get. Now normally one wouldn't think anything of that comment, but when you are terminal your first reaction is to think, why don't I need the second appointment? Don't they think I will make it that long? Stupid I know - she wouldn't even be aware of my status - but rational thought goes out the window at moments like this.

Other strange things:

* Wrapping up your business and personal affairs so absolutely and completely that there isn't anything really for anyone to do after you've gone. Quite satisfying I must say, but still very weird.

* Saying goodbye to friends that have visited from overseas or outside Auckland knowing that you will never see them again. And just pretending that like everything is normal - what else can one do - weird.

* Suddenly lacking sympathy towards others problems. It's so disappointing that people can't be happy with their lives - it's hard not to say "just shut up (or something stronger) and enjoy your life". And even if I did say this it wouldn't make any difference.


Anonymous said...

Very attractive picture!
I am bothering you because, just in case you haven't come across it, there is some credible evidence that, in some cases, inducing a high fever affects a tumor.
Best Wishes

unPC lesbian said...

Annie...does getting your affairs in order include having someone do the blog we all don't want to read?

One hopes you have someone to pound the keys with your dictated thoughts when it gets too hard.

As you say, reading here puts all the crappy bullshit in our lives in perspective.

Life's too short, live it while you can.

Mo said...

you can always try resveratrol.

The amount I would use is aprox 250 mg per kg of body weight per day divided into doses of about 5 gms each.

My friend is about 130 lbs and is taking 15 grams a day in 3 5 g doses. He has cancer everywhere, including the brain.

anyhow good luck and all the best

homepaddock said...

The deaths of my sons taught me a lot of lessons. One of their gifts was the knowledge of how precious life is and how important it is to make the most of it. But of course every day life gets in the way of good intentions to do that so thank you for this reminder of what matters.

The ex-expat said...

I've done 1 and 2 stars by virtue of living overseas. I remember saying 'see ya later' to a friend who was leaving knowing full well that our chances of crossing paths was very limited.

Oh crap I've gone and done number 3.