Sunday, 2 November 2008

Chill

How others react to my terminal cancer ranges from funny, to confusing, to just plain annoying.

It was portrayed to me that my month long blog silence upset a few people the other month. Some thought I had walked off this mortal coil (or was about to) and thus they started to freak out. Sorry about that I'll try to be more communicative, but at the time all I would have said was "I feel sick - god I'm going to vomit - shit this sucks - where are the real pain killers?" As you can see I'm a big baby when the pain kicks in - after all it was just for a sore shoulder.

Now I have to say I don't understand this getting all stressed out and freaky. What is there possibly to freak out about, we all know the outcome of this illness, we just don't know when, there's been plenty of time to come to grips with it. So stressing every time I go to see the doctor or just have an off day is really going to make life hell for all of us.

For the record, so you can relax a little, after I die a friend will post a blog letting you all know - so there's no need to second guess what's going on or freak my family and friends out with hysterical emails/calls/txts.

Others have said that they are scared to phone me. I have asked close friends what this might mean, but all they say is that they "understand". That doesn't answer my question and quite frankly makes me slightly paranoid - am I really scary? I know I can throw a wobbly if you don't let me buy lunch, but to be quite frank I've already told you I'm paying (can't take $$ with you) and the fact that you ignore me or make a stupid fuss of it all is just plain annoying and you're lucky a wobbly is all you get. Maybe they really mean 'uncomfortable' rather than scared - please don't - if I'm not up for a conversation or a visit I will tell you. Sometimes you might catch me in a bit of a mood, but I don't think that this qualifies as scary.

Now I appreciate that this is a difficult period - some of you have been through this, usually with an older relative true, but still it can't be easy. I try to help you all by talking about it - surely I must bore the pants off you all with the talk, talk, talk. But really the fact is we all die eventually and sure cancer isn't the greatest way to go, and sure 40 is way too young, but I can think of a lot worse so let's just make the best of it, relax and get on with life.

Ringo Starr would say "peace and love", I say "chill".

6 comments:

Elijah Lineberry said...

Splendid post, Anna, and it was nice to see you last night and chat.

I hope you had a nice time, notwithstanding the weather, and enjoyed yourself.

Anonymous said...

Was chillie last night, will be having another barbecue on the 13th November, Thursday night if you want to come, hopefully warmer and no rain.

Cheers

Maria

Anonymous said...

I have to say the way people react can be extremely annoying. For us it meant that 99% of all our family and friends won't ever write or text or phone or send generic emails with their news even though we specifically asked if they could please stay in touch with regular news. Basically the only person staying in touch (apart from the new friends we made along the way of our cancer journey) is my mom who would email me every single week. And then it frustrates me even more when I get stupid comments like "we've been part of your journey all the way" and all I can think is just because you read about us does not make you part of our journey (I mean just because you read about Tom Cruise, does that make you supportive and part of his life?) and then stupid comments like "safe periods for Bianca" (what? what the hell is a safe period anyway? She is still getting chemo which can put her at risk). So we've pretty much given up on all of them now. If they're interested then that's great and if they're not, well so be it!!!

I'm glad you're back giving updates again, although I did assume you were just trotting along with all that is happening!

Do keep well!


Lea White
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com

Cactus Kate said...

Sad indictment on human nature really for others to make someone else's process of terminal illness and then dying all about them!

Hope you enjoy election day Annie for all the right reasons.

Andrew said...

She will Prickly, when Libz trounce the Association of Compulsion Touters.

Annie Fox! said...

Lea: I must say new friends have been great - they give 10 minutes here and there with a funny story about their lives. Have had a few old friends that have dropped off or never contacted me, but overall the ones that I thought would be there are. Especially from school.

Cactus: I suppose at least it shows they like me.

Andrew: Party at the Castle on Saturday night - wish you could be there.