Strange things

Knowing that you are about to die is the strangest thing to live through. All situations and conversations take on completely different meanings.

Like the other day the administrator at daystay phoned me to book two appointments with my Haematologist. One for the 14th, one for the 26th. She said she wasn't sure if I would need the second one, but we'd book it anyway as the appointments are hard to get. Now normally one wouldn't think anything of that comment, but when you are terminal your first reaction is to think, why don't I need the second appointment? Don't they think I will make it that long? Stupid I know - she wouldn't even be aware of my status - but rational thought goes out the window at moments like this.

Other strange things:

* Wrapping up your business and personal affairs so absolutely and completely that there isn't anything really for anyone to do after you've gone. Quite satisfying I must say, but still very weird.

* Saying goodbye to friends that have visited from overseas or outside Auckland knowing that you will never see them again. And just pretending that like everything is normal - what else can one do - weird.

* Suddenly lacking sympathy towards others problems. It's so disappointing that people can't be happy with their lives - it's hard not to say "just shut up (or something stronger) and enjoy your life". And even if I did say this it wouldn't make any difference.